


Of Guilt And Other Feelings

by Owlways16



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Again, Canon Compliant, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I have a problem please help, These two have an adorable friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 05:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18653449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlways16/pseuds/Owlways16
Summary: Just a little character exploration of Kara's feelings during 04-19





	Of Guilt And Other Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Here is a short story that I wrote instead of sleeping, or studying. Oh well, what can you do?
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Btw, am I the only one dying for Kara to tell Lena she is Supergirl?

“You know Alex is here.”

 

It seemed to be an accusation.

 

“You haven’t been around.”

 

Scratch that, it was an accusation.

 

“Supergirl’s been there for me. Person who judges me on the very premise of my last name, but my best friend hasn’t.”

 

A stake to Kara’s heart if there ever was one. She was sure it couldn’t possibly get any worse.

 

“You just care about me a little less than you do as a source for your story.”

 

And scratch that too. Please. She would bleach it from her brain if she could, because how, how had things gone so wrong that it came to this, that her best friend (whom she admittedly hadn’t seen since the shooting, not as Kara anyway) could possibly think that. Or even worse, believe it.

 

She guessed it was her fault. But it was so hard, keeping secrets from everyone except Brainy, and Nia and J’onn. Usually she would go to Alex with something like this but now she didn’t even had that luxury. And it was a luxury, her sister’s unconditional support, that’s been there ever since they got over hating each other as kids, so, so long ago that somewhere along the way she started taking it from granted.

 

And that was a mistake she would take care to never make again. Assuming she got the chance. It seemed a possibility so far from reach this days.

 

Rao, really how did things got this messed up?

 

She couldn’t really get these thoughts out of her head, especially during Dreamer’s interview. Don’t get her wrong, she understood how important keeping her secret identity was, keeping the people she loved safe and out of the government’s hands, far far away from anyone who would use them as leverage against her. Especially now with Lockwood and his goons.

 

Nia didn’t have any idea how close to home her words hit. To be her authentic self, how she longed to be able to do that again with the people she loved. James, Alex, Lena. Rao she couldn’t believe she had gotten so focused on Supergirl, on herself, that she really didn’t notice that she had brushed all her friends aside in a time like this. Well, it seemed that Lena had a point about her being self-centered after all.

 

All these thoughts were swimming through her head even as she thanked Edna for her bravery, for standing up for herself and her fellow aliens and helping to bring Lex down and getting Kara one step closer to figuring out what exactly the maniac was up to.

 

And then she saw Lena, standing in front of the Catco logo displayed on the floor. She knew they needed to talk, Kara needed to explain, to make it better somehow.

What she didn’t expect was for her best friend to be apologizing to her.

 

“I’m sorry I was so short with you. You were just trying to do your job.”

 

It was Kara’s turn to do some apologizing of her own. “Friendship is the most important job and I was so focused on my article I forgot what really matters.”

 

But of course Lena could never make things easy, not even for her and especially not when she somehow felt that the argument between them was her fault. “No, Kara. The truth is, even if you’d been standing right next to me when Lex escaped I really wouldn’t have let you be there for me.”

 

“What do you mean? Why?”

 

Lena seemed to steal herself before responding. “Because I’m the one that’s keeping secrets.” At Kara’s searching look, she continued. “Eve wasn’t the only one working with Lex. I… I was working with him, too.”

 

And Rao, of all the things Kara expected her friend to say, that certainly wasn’t one of them. She hated that part of herself braced for what would come next but before that part could win she remembered that they had been in a similar situation before, with Lena admitting something, seemingly terrified of what her reaction would be and Kara, or Supergirl really at that time, reacting exactly the way that caused her to loose her best friend’s trust in her alter ego.

 

So she waited, and listened to Lena’s explanation. “He came contacted me four months ago. He knew I had the Harun-El. He had cancer and he was afraid to die. He’s my brother. And in my heart I knew he was manipulating me but I believed him and I helped him and he betrayed me.” Her voice trembled a little as she continued. “And I was weak and I will never forgive myself for that.”

 

Kara watched as disappointment, pain and resignation battled for dominance over Lena’s expression before the latter appear to take over as her friend met Kara’s eyes with tears in her own. “I can only imagine what you must think of me, Kara. I don’t blame you.”

 

And Kara couldn’t take it anymore, she surged forward taking her friend into her arms and wrapping her in the hug she so desperately needed to give her, to show her that she never, ever would thinks less of her. “No, no. You are not weak. You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul. Your brother asked you for help and in life or death situations you help family. No one can judge you for that.” Kara held Lena as she broke to tears in her arms and she felt guilt taking over. “I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. I am so sorry.”

 

She watched as Lena took a deal breath to try and compose herself, wiping away her tears before she met her eyes again. “Thank you.” Kara felt how deep the gratefulness felt to Lena, the feeling apparent in the way her shoulders seemed to straighten as if a deep weight had been lifted off them and the guilt filled her again. After all if anyone knew how the weight of secrets ate away at your very soul, it was Kara.

 

“I really want to help you with your investigation with Lex.” Lena said, and Kara could do nothing more that accept, sharing what she had already with her friend, vowing that she herself would be sharing her secret with Lena soon.

 

As soon as was safe for her. She made a promise after all, one that resonated within her more deeply that anything else in that moment.

 

‘I promise to always protect you.’ 


End file.
